I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
