dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
3pm strippers are depressing
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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