i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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