One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
