I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
home. puking in laundry basket.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
