So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Fuck appropriateness.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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