so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
