What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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