He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
