My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Randomize
