please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
