i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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