my vag is so smooth its legendary
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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