Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
