No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
