matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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