grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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