Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
