idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
