Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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