At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
This is my gift to your gina
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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