The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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