i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
