Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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