she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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