I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
