I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
True strength comes from lack of pants
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
