Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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