Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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