a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
