If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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