He kissed a someone with a penis
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
