yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
