I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
soo... how was my night?
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