go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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