Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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