Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
