just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
