I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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