The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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