If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
