i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
