i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
