dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize