and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
