Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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