you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
