did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
