If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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