Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Found the puke drawer
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
