I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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