Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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