That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
How external is "for external use only"?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
