yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
