She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize