I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
