standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
