i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There r osticjed everywhere
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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