ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
