Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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