So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize