happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
