Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
