I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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