yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
