I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
