yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
