so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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